MAD MIKE'S JOKES ONLY THREAD - Page 3 - Yamaha Grizzly ATV Forum
General Discussion Welcome to General Discussion. This is a general forum where we talk about anything that is NON-GRIZZLY related. Please post in the appropriate forum that relates (we have engine forums, tire forums, accessory forums...and all the others too) to your topic. This way when someone (including us) comes here to look for answers, it will be a lot easier to find info. If you are posting something in general that you cant find a forum for, then this is the place to put it. Thanks for helping us try to get the info organized.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #31 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 06:28 PM
 
UpstateNYGrizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Saratoga Springs, NY
Age: 52
Posts: 2,624
Thanks: 255
Thanked 750 Times in 492 Posts
Rep Power: 97
                     
ETERNAL LAWS OF GOLF

ETERNAL LAWS OF GOLF<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
LAW 1: No matter how bad our last shot was, you should have inner peace knowing that a worse one is yet to come. (This law does not expire on the 9th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.)

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. (Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.)

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 9: Sand is alive. It will swallow your balls.

LAW 10: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 11: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. (Your Mother in Law, does not come close.)

LAW 12: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See LAW`3).

LAW 13: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 14: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 15: The last 3 holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 16: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 17: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

LAW 18: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 19: When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you should have continued watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

LAW 20: The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about your swing.

LAW 21: If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 22: Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

LAW 23: A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

LAW 24: It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie.

LAW 25: Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 26: Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 27: It's not a gimme if you're still away.

LAW 28: The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 29: You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

LAW 30: Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 31: If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 32: There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW 33: Hazards attract; fairways repel.

LAW 34: You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

LAW 35: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW 36: Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
<o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

2016 Grizzly 700 Special Edition W/EPS - Carbon Metallic
27in Kenda Bearclaw HTR
Ricochet Full Skid Plates w/UMHV
Viper Elite 3000lb Winch w/Amsteel Blue
Totron 12in & 6in LED Light Bars
Yamaha Rear Cargo Box
PowerMadd Guards & Wraps
RotoPax 4 gal Fuel Pack

2009 Rhino 700 Special Edition - Black
27in Sedona Rip Saw on ITP Black SS108 Wheels
Viper Max 4000 w/Amsteel Blue
Ricochet Full Skid Plates, K&N Filter, EZ Steer Power Steering

Totron 12in LED Light Bar & 4 - 3in Cubes
J Strong Roof & Windshield

J Strong Front & Rear Bumpers
J Strong Dual Battery Isolator


2002 Grizzly 660 - SOLD

US Govt survey shows three out of four people make up 75% of the total population.
UpstateNYGrizz is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to UpstateNYGrizz For This Useful Post:
dwpenn2va (01-07-2010)
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 06:30 PM
 
UpstateNYGrizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Saratoga Springs, NY
Age: 52
Posts: 2,624
Thanks: 255
Thanked 750 Times in 492 Posts
Rep Power: 97
                     
I AM MAN!

Subject: I AM MAN!
Written by a man...........
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

This has been a public service message for Women, to better understand the Male

2016 Grizzly 700 Special Edition W/EPS - Carbon Metallic
27in Kenda Bearclaw HTR
Ricochet Full Skid Plates w/UMHV
Viper Elite 3000lb Winch w/Amsteel Blue
Totron 12in & 6in LED Light Bars
Yamaha Rear Cargo Box
PowerMadd Guards & Wraps
RotoPax 4 gal Fuel Pack

2009 Rhino 700 Special Edition - Black
27in Sedona Rip Saw on ITP Black SS108 Wheels
Viper Max 4000 w/Amsteel Blue
Ricochet Full Skid Plates, K&N Filter, EZ Steer Power Steering

Totron 12in LED Light Bar & 4 - 3in Cubes
J Strong Roof & Windshield

J Strong Front & Rear Bumpers
J Strong Dual Battery Isolator


2002 Grizzly 660 - SOLD

US Govt survey shows three out of four people make up 75% of the total population.

Last edited by UpstateNYGrizz; 11-25-2009 at 08:10 AM.
UpstateNYGrizz is offline  
post #33 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 06:32 PM
 
UpstateNYGrizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Saratoga Springs, NY
Age: 52
Posts: 2,624
Thanks: 255
Thanked 750 Times in 492 Posts
Rep Power: 97
                     
Not Tonight Honey

Not Tonight Honey

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<TT>I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. </TT>

<TT>FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, we were all over each other and just when I was ready to pound nails through two inch plywood she looks up at me and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." </TT>

<TT>I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" </TT>

<TT>So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... </TT>

<TT>"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't </TT>
<TT>you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" </TT>

<TT>Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. </TT>

<TT>The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." </TT>

<TT>I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." </TT>

<TT>Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" </TT>

<TT>I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" </TT>

<TT>Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b&^$h knows I'm smarter than her.</TT>

2016 Grizzly 700 Special Edition W/EPS - Carbon Metallic
27in Kenda Bearclaw HTR
Ricochet Full Skid Plates w/UMHV
Viper Elite 3000lb Winch w/Amsteel Blue
Totron 12in & 6in LED Light Bars
Yamaha Rear Cargo Box
PowerMadd Guards & Wraps
RotoPax 4 gal Fuel Pack

2009 Rhino 700 Special Edition - Black
27in Sedona Rip Saw on ITP Black SS108 Wheels
Viper Max 4000 w/Amsteel Blue
Ricochet Full Skid Plates, K&N Filter, EZ Steer Power Steering

Totron 12in LED Light Bar & 4 - 3in Cubes
J Strong Roof & Windshield

J Strong Front & Rear Bumpers
J Strong Dual Battery Isolator


2002 Grizzly 660 - SOLD

US Govt survey shows three out of four people make up 75% of the total population.
UpstateNYGrizz is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to UpstateNYGrizz For This Useful Post:
armatt06 (11-24-2009), LawnCrafter (12-21-2011), vernonredneck (11-24-2009)
post #34 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 06:34 PM
 
UpstateNYGrizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Saratoga Springs, NY
Age: 52
Posts: 2,624
Thanks: 255
Thanked 750 Times in 492 Posts
Rep Power: 97
                     
THE STORY OF CREATION

THE STORY OF CREATION <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
<o:p></o:p>
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "And as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
<o:p></o:p>
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
<o:p></o:p>
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
<o:p></o:p>
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
<o:p></o:p>
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
<o:p></o:p>
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
<o:p></o:p>
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
<o:p></o:p>
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created the Canadian "Healthcare" system.

2016 Grizzly 700 Special Edition W/EPS - Carbon Metallic
27in Kenda Bearclaw HTR
Ricochet Full Skid Plates w/UMHV
Viper Elite 3000lb Winch w/Amsteel Blue
Totron 12in & 6in LED Light Bars
Yamaha Rear Cargo Box
PowerMadd Guards & Wraps
RotoPax 4 gal Fuel Pack

2009 Rhino 700 Special Edition - Black
27in Sedona Rip Saw on ITP Black SS108 Wheels
Viper Max 4000 w/Amsteel Blue
Ricochet Full Skid Plates, K&N Filter, EZ Steer Power Steering

Totron 12in LED Light Bar & 4 - 3in Cubes
J Strong Roof & Windshield

J Strong Front & Rear Bumpers
J Strong Dual Battery Isolator


2002 Grizzly 660 - SOLD

US Govt survey shows three out of four people make up 75% of the total population.
UpstateNYGrizz is offline  
post #35 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 07:19 PM
CRASH STUNT MEMBER
 
desertdweller's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Valley of the Sun/ PHX.-AZ.
Age: 56
Posts: 8,068
Thanks: 1,571
Thanked 1,790 Times in 1,216 Posts
Rep Power: 100
                     
Taxing Problem

I was having lunch with one of my favorite friends last week and the conversation turned to the government's recent round of tax cuts. “I'm opposed to those tax cuts,” the retired West coast college instructor declared, “because they benefit the rich. The rich get much more money back than ordinary taxpayers like you and me and that's not fair.”“But the rich pay more in the first place,” I argued, “so it stands to reason that they'd get more money back.” I could tell that my friend was unimpressed by this meager argument.
So I said to him, let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day 10 men go to a restaurant for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If it was paid the way we pay our taxes, the first four men would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1; the sixth would pay $3; the seventh $7; the eighth $12; the ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
The 10 men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until the owner threw them a curve. Since you are all such good customers, he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20. Now dinner for the 10 only costs $80.
The first four are unaffected. They still eat for free. Can you figure out how to divvy up the $20 savings among the remaining six so that everyone gets his fair share? The men realize that $20 divided by 6 is $3.33, but if they subtract that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being paid to eat their meal.
The restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same percentage, being sure to give each a break, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so now the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12, leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of $59.
Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20,” complained the sixth man, pointing to the tenth, “and he got $7!” “Yeah, that's right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got seven times more than me!”
“That's true,” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!” “Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor.”
The nine men surrounded the tenth man and beat him up. The next night he didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They were $52 short! And that, boys, girls and college instructors, is how America's tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes should get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table any more. Over regulate and over tax those creating the jobs, they just might leave the country and then the socialist will have to cover the social handout programs bill themselves :) Be careful what you wish for!

<IFRAME class=AttachmentDownloadIframe id=downloadFrame marginWidth=0 frameSpacing=0 marginHeight=0 frameBorder=0 scrolling=no></IFRAME>

GREEN It's your Daddy !!!!
http://photobucket.com/desertdweller
'08-700 FI/EPS
OG/GROC Member #1
Thought of joining the Original Grizzly Roll Over Club? (OG/ GROC)
PM me and I'll tell you whats required to join.
All Grizzly's welcome!
desertdweller is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to desertdweller For This Useful Post:
JHFWIC (11-24-2009), tdawg75 (05-03-2010)
post #36 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 07:23 PM
CRASH STUNT MEMBER
 
desertdweller's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Valley of the Sun/ PHX.-AZ.
Age: 56
Posts: 8,068
Thanks: 1,571
Thanked 1,790 Times in 1,216 Posts
Rep Power: 100
                     
WHO IS JACK S&%$





>WHO IS JACK SCHITT
>
>For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
>
>We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
>Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
>intellectual way.
>
>Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
>magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had
>one son, Jack.
>
>In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
>produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull
>Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
>
>Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
>school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
>Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living
>with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe
>Schitt Sherlock.
>
>Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
>rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six
>children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
>childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
>The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens
>nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
>
>Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently
>returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
>
>Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
>
>
>Sincerely,
>Crock O. Schitt


GREEN It's your Daddy !!!!
http://photobucket.com/desertdweller
'08-700 FI/EPS
OG/GROC Member #1
Thought of joining the Original Grizzly Roll Over Club? (OG/ GROC)
PM me and I'll tell you whats required to join.
All Grizzly's welcome!
desertdweller is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to desertdweller For This Useful Post:
grizzly300 (12-21-2013), vernonredneck (11-24-2009)
post #37 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 07:26 PM
CRASH STUNT MEMBER
 
desertdweller's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Valley of the Sun/ PHX.-AZ.
Age: 56
Posts: 8,068
Thanks: 1,571
Thanked 1,790 Times in 1,216 Posts
Rep Power: 100
                     
Left or Right Golfer




Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out of town, and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf. May I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it and they would see what they thought. They all agreed, and she said "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts, and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round.

The guys happily invited her back the next week, and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed and matched her
7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps.They had a beer after their round and one of the guys asked her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband who sleeps in the nude. If his "you-know-what" is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if it's pointed to the left, I golf left-handed." one of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?"

She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

GREEN It's your Daddy !!!!
http://photobucket.com/desertdweller
'08-700 FI/EPS
OG/GROC Member #1
Thought of joining the Original Grizzly Roll Over Club? (OG/ GROC)
PM me and I'll tell you whats required to join.
All Grizzly's welcome!
desertdweller is offline  
post #38 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 09:22 PM
 
mudduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: on the edge of insanity
Posts: 225
Thanks: 0
Thanked 44 Times in 28 Posts
Rep Power: 93
         
the hunter

an 86 six year old man went to the doctors for his quarterly check up. the doctor asked him how he was feeling,and the 86 year old said, things are great and i never felt better.
i now have a 20 year old bride who is pregnant with my child.
so what do you think about that doc? the doctor considered
his question for a minute then began to tell a story. i have a older friend,much like you,who is a avid hunter and never misses a season. one day he was setting off to go hunting.
in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. as he neared the lake ,he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the waters edge. he realized that he left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot this magnificent creature. out of habit he raised his cane,aimed it the animal as if it was his favorite hunting rifle, and went BANG BANG. miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. now what do you think of that? asked the doctor. the 86 year old man said, logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds in that beaver. the doctor replied, my point exactly.
mudduck is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to mudduck For This Useful Post:
vernonredneck (11-24-2009)
post #39 of 441 Old 11-24-2009, 09:32 PM
 
mudduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: on the edge of insanity
Posts: 225
Thanks: 0
Thanked 44 Times in 28 Posts
Rep Power: 93
         
MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE. ANOTHER SEVERELY INJURED

A foursome of guys is waiting at the mens' tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f--king lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!"

He never even had a chance to duck.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>

Last edited by mudduck; 11-24-2009 at 09:36 PM.
mudduck is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to mudduck For This Useful Post:
Beadlock (01-20-2010), El Dee (12-01-2009), Johnny mac (11-30-2009), vernonredneck (11-24-2009)
post #40 of 441 Old 11-30-2009, 09:44 AM
 
rob350's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Edmonton
Age: 25
Posts: 1,718
Thanks: 184
Thanked 157 Times in 126 Posts
Rep Power: 107
                     
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
asks her husband to stop the car.There was a baby skunk lying at the side of
the road, and she got out
to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can
we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its little nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with
died at the scene.

'03 660 Green Grizz! - 26" Mud Bugs on SS112
K&N filter - Snorkels - 2" Receiver - Custom 2" tip
Warn 3000RT Front/ 2500 Rear
HL Temp Gauge - Hand/Thumb Warmers
Amsoil 10W-40 Synthetic Motorcycle Oil
rob350 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to rob350 For This Useful Post:
El Dee (12-01-2009), JHFWIC (11-30-2009), vernonredneck (11-30-2009)
post #41 of 441 Old 11-30-2009, 05:33 PM
CRASH STUNT MEMBER
 
desertdweller's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Valley of the Sun/ PHX.-AZ.
Age: 56
Posts: 8,068
Thanks: 1,571
Thanked 1,790 Times in 1,216 Posts
Rep Power: 100
                     
<TABLE class=ecxMsoNormalTable style="WIDTH: 100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 1.5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%">Cowboys are just not the same after that BrokeBackMountain Movie


************************************************** *****************************






</TD></TR><TR><TD id=ecxINCREDIFOOTER style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 1.5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%"><TABLE class=ecxMsoNormalTable style="WIDTH: 100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 0in" width="100%">

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

GREEN It's your Daddy !!!!
http://photobucket.com/desertdweller
'08-700 FI/EPS
OG/GROC Member #1
Thought of joining the Original Grizzly Roll Over Club? (OG/ GROC)
PM me and I'll tell you whats required to join.
All Grizzly's welcome!
desertdweller is offline  
post #42 of 441 Old 11-30-2009, 05:38 PM
CRASH STUNT MEMBER
 
desertdweller's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Valley of the Sun/ PHX.-AZ.
Age: 56
Posts: 8,068
Thanks: 1,571
Thanked 1,790 Times in 1,216 Posts
Rep Power: 100
                     
The Power of Toilet Paper

<TT>Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my</TT>
<TT>husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically</TT>
<TT>telling</TT>
<TT>me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. </TT>

<TT>If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet</TT>
<TT>paper and rub it between them for a few seconds." </TT>

<TT>Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stood back</TT>
<TT>in</TT>
<TT>front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. </TT>
<TT>"How long will this take?" I asked "They will grow larger over a period</TT>
<TT>of</TT>
<TT>years," my husband replies. </TT>

<TT>I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between</TT>
<TT>my</TT>
<TT>breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without</TT>
<TT>missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" </TT>

<TT>He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk</TT>
<TT>again.</TT>


<TT>Stupid, stupid man. </TT>

GREEN It's your Daddy !!!!
http://photobucket.com/desertdweller
'08-700 FI/EPS
OG/GROC Member #1
Thought of joining the Original Grizzly Roll Over Club? (OG/ GROC)
PM me and I'll tell you whats required to join.
All Grizzly's welcome!
desertdweller is offline  
post #43 of 441 Old 11-30-2009, 05:40 PM
CRASH STUNT MEMBER
 
desertdweller's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Valley of the Sun/ PHX.-AZ.
Age: 56
Posts: 8,068
Thanks: 1,571
Thanked 1,790 Times in 1,216 Posts
Rep Power: 100
                     
A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he
> wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies
> and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck
> in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool
> in the backyard of his mansion.
> Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating
> shrimp, oysters, BBQ and flirting with all the women.
> At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a
> 10ft
> man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million
> dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in."
> The words were barely out of his mouth when there was
> a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy
> in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking
> its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with
> his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke
> holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the
> gator through
> the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water
> was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and
> the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally
> Leroy
> strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a
> dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of
> the pool.
> Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
> Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe
> you a million dollars."
>
> "No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.
> The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something.
> You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"
>
> "No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.
> The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you
> something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche
> and a Rolex and some stock options?"
>
> Again Leroy said no.
> Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what
> do you want?"
> Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who
> pushed me in the pool."

GREEN It's your Daddy !!!!
http://photobucket.com/desertdweller
'08-700 FI/EPS
OG/GROC Member #1
Thought of joining the Original Grizzly Roll Over Club? (OG/ GROC)
PM me and I'll tell you whats required to join.
All Grizzly's welcome!
desertdweller is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to desertdweller For This Useful Post:
old660rider (01-07-2013), vernonredneck (11-30-2009)
post #44 of 441 Old 11-30-2009, 06:21 PM
 
Johnny mac's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Age: 76
Posts: 834
Thanks: 219
Thanked 125 Times in 87 Posts
Rep Power: 95
                 
MUDDUCK! THAT"S FUNNY!!
Johnny mac is offline  
post #45 of 441 Old 12-01-2009, 02:26 AM
 
El Dee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: DIXIE
Age: 56
Posts: 610
Thanks: 205
Thanked 114 Times in 95 Posts
Rep Power: 94
                 
EVEL AS ALWAYS

My buddy Ringo was down at the pet store the other day looking for a Christmas pet for his wife. She loves birds and Ringo was checking out a South American Parrot when the store owner walked up. The bird was rather pricey and Ringo inquired as to why as the bird was nothing special. The owner said, "Sir this bird is very special. His name is Chet and he sings Christmas carols. Beign that he is South American he is not used to our cold climate and you must warm his feet before he will sing." With that the store owner pulled out a lighter and warmed Chet's left foot. Low and behold Chet sang, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells." Then he warmed Chet's right foot and Chet broke into Silent Night. The owner had been watching Ringo's amazement and accidently let the lighter move to between Chet's feet. Upon this happening the bird sang, "Chet's nuttz roasting on an open fire..............

07 660, Black ITP SS108's, 28' ZILLAS, Dynatek ignition, full HMF Utility, UNI filter, Dynojet kit, Grunt clutch kit, EHS Racing air box lid mod.....
El Dee is offline  
Reply

  Lower Navigation
Go Back   Yamaha Grizzly ATV Forum > Public Forums > General Discussion


Search tags for this page

atv jokes

,
funny yamaha jokes
,
grizzly four wheeler jokes
,
honda atv jokes
,
jokes about atvs
,
jokes about yamaha motorcycles
,
polaris atv jokes
,
yamaha atv jokes
,
yamaha grizzly joke
,
yamaha grizzly jokes
,

yamaha jokes

,
yamaha motorcycle jokes
,
yamaha snowmobile jokes
,
yamaha vs honda jokes
,
yamam jokes
Click on a term to search our sites for related topics.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome